This One time at the Winter Olympics...

I stuck a...triple axel, triple toe loop combination. Women's figure skating commences tonight with the short program. Michelle from band camp/ Willow from Buffy was chosen to replace Michelle Kwan. Anything to increase the ratings. You know Willow probably has the same chance of winning a medal at the Olympics as Emily Huges (left) does. It's true.

The women's short program is happening now in Torino but NBC wants you to watch it tonight and pretend you don't know who's winning. Women's figure skating is the last crutch that's holding up the Olympic ratings. So far interest level and ratings has been sagging along with Al Roker's chin. Really who is going to be the superstar that comes out of this Olympics? Who's the cover of the Wheaties box saved for? The fact that I just had to sit here and really think before I typed this sentence says it all.

Sasha Cohen (not to be confused with Sacha Baron Cohen aka Ali G) is the only hope the US has. If she wins gold, NBC should give her a new car because people will watch. But history is on her side. US women have won three of the last four Olympic gold medals.

The biggest rival to the Olympics is going head to head tonigh with figure skating. American Idol comes on tonight with the final 12 women competiting. Coincidence that the women are performing first? I think not. FOX knows how to program their #1 program and they know they can beat the Olympics. They're targeting young girls and women because the guys have no control of the remote tonight. Idol fans love to vote for their favorites and tonight is their first opportunity to tie up the phone lines.

So guys tonight you can either watch women in sequins or women singing. There's no other choice.

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