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Archive for February, 2006

The Smoking Section

Thursday, February 23rd, 2006


While dreaming of what I would buy…

- The Hater Nation wrote about the many faces of Jon Gruden while playing blackjack. If you’ve ever played, you’ll feel Gruden’s pain.

- Sounds like this woman was taking “the clear” and “the cream”. Seriously when has it even been a good idea to wrestle a bear. It’s like wanting to driving 100mph on an icy bridge.

-The Sports Blah enjoyed the dunk contest as much as I did. He has links to highlights of the contest and the whole contest. If you watch Nate Robinson’s fourteen attempt dunk again, then you’re probably the same person that can stand fingernails on a chalkboard.

- Michael Huff, the best safety in this years draft, has a big dream when he gets his signs his contract with many zeros in it. He wants to buy an IHOP. He wants his pancakes whenever he wants and free every time.

- Ian, from Sweaty Men Endeavors, admits he watched the women’s short program on Tuesday. He’s worry about his man-cred. Don’t worry Ian, I watched Johnny Weir skate and I didn’t go on a shoe shopping spree. Still wear one pair of shoes that are six years old.

If you think that’s bad I know grown men who are watching and enjoying American Idol 5, wagering on who might get voted off tonight and who will win. Grown men, watching American Idol for pleasure, and gambling on it. That’s awesome. So maybe Ian next time put some money on figure skating. It restore some man-cred as you watch it.

Tonya Harding 12 Years Later

Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006

What has happened to Tonya Harding? It’s been 12 years since she went mafia on Nancy Kerrigan’s knee. Talk about big time made for television event. How big was it? Women’s figure skating in 1994 is the sixth most watched television event in history. To give you some perspective, at the top is the finale of M*A*S*H, an episode of Roots, a couple Super Bowls, then it’s women’s figure skating. That’s it and I imagine it’ll stay in that order for a long long time.

It was Jerry Springer on ice. If your memory is too fuzzy then the Washingtonpost.com has compiled an extensive time line of those events starting with attack.

Tonya hasn’t had it easy since those Olympics. She’s had a long run-in list with the law. She even had her wedding night sex tape leaked. This way before the internet was huge, so it saved thousands of horny curious boys from being scarred for life. I would admit I owned a Milli Vanilli and New Kids on the Block tape combined before I’d admit I bought her sex tape.

Then’s she’s had a less than stellar boxing career. Most would remember her fight with Paula Jones in “Celebrity Boxing Match”.

She was scheduled to make an appearance in a March 11 Jacksonville, FL boxing event called “Guns and Hoses”. The annual boxing event between Jacksonville firefighters and police officers was to have Tonya Harding take on one of Jacksonville’s finest, Officer Cristina “Rosie” Rosario.

Now she’s pulled out of the fight for an unusual reason

It turns out the First Coast will not be getting a visit from a boxer with a well-known past.

Former figure skater Tonya Harding was scheduled to take place in the Guns and Hoses boxing match between Jacksonville Police and Firefighters.

She cancelled because she’s technically a heavyweight now, weighing in at 170 pounds. That’s too heavy for the First Coast bouts.

In the picture above she’s a reported 125 pounds. ET Online did a story on her and has a recent picture of her now. They gave her a makeover on an episode but she looked the same. That’s just mean.

She was big news in 1994 at the Olympics. Now she’s just big. Funny how karma works sometimes.

This One time at the Winter Olympics…

Tuesday, February 21st, 2006

I stuck a…triple axel, triple toe loop combination. Women’s figure skating commences tonight with the short program. Michelle from band camp/ Willow from Buffy was chosen to replace Michelle Kwan. Anything to increase the ratings. You know Willow probably has the same chance of winning a medal at the Olympics as Emily Huges (left) does. It’s true.

The women’s short program is happening now in Torino but NBC wants you to watch it tonight and pretend you don’t know who’s winning. Women’s figure skating is the last crutch that’s holding up the Olympic ratings. So far interest level and ratings has been sagging along with Al Roker’s chin. Really who is going to be the superstar that comes out of this Olympics? Who’s the cover of the Wheaties box saved for? The fact that I just had to sit here and really think before I typed this sentence says it all.

Sasha Cohen (not to be confused with Sacha Baron Cohen aka Ali G) is the only hope the US has. If she wins gold, NBC should give her a new car because people will watch. But history is on her side. US women have won three of the last four Olympic gold medals.

The biggest rival to the Olympics is going head to head tonigh with figure skating. American Idol comes on tonight with the final 12 women competiting. Coincidence that the women are performing first? I think not. FOX knows how to program their #1 program and they know they can beat the Olympics. They’re targeting young girls and women because the guys have no control of the remote tonight. Idol fans love to vote for their favorites and tonight is their first opportunity to tie up the phone lines.

So guys tonight you can either watch women in sequins or women singing. There’s no other choice.

Lindsey Jacobellis’ Premature Celebration

Tuesday, February 21st, 2006

I still can’t get enough of Lindsey Jacobellis and her stumble for the silver medal. I just like to see the dumbest move in the 2006 Winter Olympics over and over again. Call me sick if you want.

Luckily snowboard cross isn’t a team sport so she didn’t lose it for a whole team. She did this all herself. As much as she tries to put a “glass half full” mentality by saying she’s happy with the silver medal, that makes me like her even less. Just say you wanted to make the cover of SI instead of saying you were trying to stablize yourself in the air. She says she’s happy because she’s the first silver medalist in snowboard cross ever. Well she’ll be more remembered for how she got that silver medal. You’ve made your legacy as a textbook example for all future athletes to don’ t do anything stupid until you cross that finish line.

Nate Won the Contest When Dunked Over Mr. Potato Head

Sunday, February 19th, 2006

Nate Robinson Dunk

Either guy could have won the NBA dunk contest. It was a flip of the coin. The judges could have kept giving tie scores to continue watching Nate Robinson and Andre Iguodala keep dunking. The crowd wouldn’t have cared. I wouldn’t have cared. Better than watching ice dancing at the Olympics.

Andre had the most creative dunk of the night and in most recent memory. The ball thrown off the back of the backboard, caught, brought underneath and dunked was as difficult as it sounded to pull off. Phenomenal dunk which might have won him the dunk contest if he saved it for the finals.

The best looking dunk of the night went to Nate Robinson’s dunk over Potato Webb. Even when Mr. Potato Head came out you sensed what was going to happen. Even so, the dunk brought the crowd and most players out of their seats. The fact that it took him one try and he took the ball in the air one handed and slammed it like he hated Isiah Thomas added to the presentation. He looked like mini-Jordan flying in the air.

I believe Andre probably got biased judging. After the Nate Robinson dunk over Spud, the judges were going to give him the title. Finished. Nate was already an underdog in a land of giants. They loved how he represented dunk contest history. Even though it took him fourteen tries to complete his final dunk, it still scored higher than Andre’s somehow. That makes me think his potato leap dunk stuck in their minds.

I would have been happy with either dunker winning. They both put on an electric dunk contest. I’m glad some fresh ideas for new dunks were brought back to the dunk contest. I’m just tired of seeing the same dunks. Especially dunking from the free throw line at every dunk contest. Yes I know it’s hard but if Jon Barry did it, then that should be put away for lack of coolness.